Is everlasting love just a myth, where two people can remain googly eyed forever until the end of time. If so, then why are there so many couples who seek therapy to rekindle their love life. To hopefully overcome a conflict, to patch their relationship, to take it to the next level, or to avoid the dreaded divorce papers.
Some relationships need conflict resolution specialists, a therapist or lawyer, armed personnel to avoid themselves from ripping each others hearts out. Are two people really destined to be together on this earth for the rest of their lives, this where there are 7.4 billion other people to choose from.
The key appears instead of dwelling on what’s not working, instead focus on what is working, this to avoid the destructive patterns that humans are capable of doing to each other. The key becomes to finding some commonality.
Sharing Long-term Vision
There needs to be a clear vision on what you’re wanting for your careers and your children, realizing that life is full of roadblocks.
That the love can be rocky at times, become distorted, but the long-term vision remains the same. That there’s willingness to work through the small stuff. Relationships fail because most fall in love with love, the fantasy of getting married and starting a family.
What’s then realized is that relationships are hard work, that people don’t always mature at the same rate, then things begin to self destruct. The most successful relationships have a rock solid foundation.
To Change You
It’s not about trading, “I’ll do this if you do that,” but more about giving without expecting nothing back in return.
Love isn’t about “me” but the other. The biggest problem once someone has an issue with their partner, is that they’ll try to change them, thinking that they don’t love or care about them enough.
You’re not in control of they changing. The only control that you have is the meaning you give along with the actions you take. Once a relationship goes into crisis, it’s not about hoping or waiting for the other to change.
Waiting for perfection from the other isn’t love, it’s more about your ego, as it’s you that needs to change. It’s been said that you need to be the change that you want to see in others. It takes courage because it may not be reciprocated, but that’s the meaning of unconditional love.
Love should be about them, and not how you feel. So to love, means taking care of the needs of each other. What this requires is knowing what drives them, and furnishing the gaps when needed.
It’s about making them feel secure and comfortable, to experience and give a variety of surprises, to feel deeply connected while feeling loved. To constantly grow and contribute beyond yourself.
Trusting All The Good Intentions
Love isn’t perfect, it’s a constant work in progress. A relationship is forever dynamic as it’s always fluctuating, as the human condition is constantly evolving, growing and shifting. So the constant conflicts or crisis which arises should be seen as opportunities.
Mistakes and errors in judgements happen. Words that you may regret later are often spoken. Certain actions which might undermine trust are often taken, all which can be extremely painful at times.
Successful couples accept these difficult moments and will springboard the relationship to the next level, this by brainstorming more active open communication, to deepen their trust which rekindles their love.
They do so by not judging the event in itself, but by understanding and then discovering the positive intention which usually lays behind the harmful action. An intention which is usually to fulfill a basic need.
Recognizing the positive intentions behind a behavior that was harmful, consents to finding a way to meet that need in a better more constructive way, one which turns the love skyward.
The most important skill when it comes to communication remains listening, as it builds trust and intimacy.
Those who argue are using two different road maps to attribute the meaning of reality. What listening allows is to connect and appreciate the other person’s map.
Then the conflict is resolved once the maps are integrated, which brings them closer to each others reality.
Listening is asking questions, which creates a model of the world that’s used to navigate their reality. What listening does is interprets the patterns of moral judgment, which opens up understanding.
Hitting The Reset Button
Couples who are successful aren’t afraid to hit the reset button to start over again. As long as the passion is still there, the heart is still beating, they recognize that every moment offers the opportunity to reestablish their love.
It can become difficult, even overwhelming, as words can become hurtful. But those who are committed to each other, will never take the position of being a victim, this by rekindling their love by starting over, finding a way to reignite.
They know that love isn’t a fading emotion, but a muscle of the mind and the heart which needs constant exercise. The nourishment of their loving relationship is a journey of spiritual growth.
Successful couples realize that love rests on commitment, and this commitment needs to be consistent. This consistency of being open and true to each other.
What this requires is an attitude which is fundamental to experiencing everlasting love, the practice of self-acceptance. If you”re not able to accept the other, or forgive them, then you’re not accepting or forgiving yourself.
Your not capable or worthy of love, if you don’t take full responsibility and be accountable for your actions, words, and the decisions you make. You get what you give out.