We often hear “sticks and stones won’t break my bones,” but guess what, they can. What words won’t do is leave any measurable physical damage. What they cause is progressive long-term harm. Most underestimate the power of words, as what they can do is slowly brainwash.
Constantly being told you’re too lazy, stupid, or worthless isn’t acceptable. When you hear it the first time it stings, but with gradual progression, as you begin hear it more often, you get used to it. Then you may even eventually begin to believe it. “Well, maybe I am *blank*,” as you just continue to take it.
Then you start to adopt your partners mindset, this by placing yourself in their destruction. Your feelings of self-esteem and worthiness then begins to suffer, this compounding over time.
But realize that, just as those words have been used against you to put you down, you can also learn to harness progressive words to build you up and restore your confidence, instilling belief in yourself.
It’s Always Your Fault
Regardless of the situation, somehow, whatever happens, however it begins, it’s always blamed on you. That it’s your fault.
The accusing partner, will constantly tell you that their behavior was caused because of what you said or did.
Their argument always ends with you can’t possibly blame them, this because if you didn’t say what you did or done, it would of never happened.
Their Word Is Gospel
You’re always more inclined to believe what your partner says, this instead of what you say to yourself. Then you reel with a sense of injustice and hurt, seethed in anger on how you’re treated.
You constantly find yourself saying, “Is it reasonable for me to feel this way?” “How am I misinterpreting things?” “Do I have it all wrong?”
If you need to ask yourself, then you’ve become so influenced, that what you’ve stopped is trusting your own judgement.
What your mind then does is keeps throwing up these questions and observations, this because deep down, you know what’s happening is ultimately wrong. But right now, what you don’t have is the strength of your own convictions.
Constantly Acknowledging Your Feelings
You’ve become so dependent and disillusioned to the point, that what you constantly seek is the acknowledgement of your partner to verify what your feelings are.
What you begin is to feel desperate towards making your partner hear what you’re saying, while apologizing for all the hurtful damaging things they’ve said. All that you think and feel, is that it’s only them that can heal the pain that you feel.
Does your need for them to constantly validate your feelings, what keeps you hooked on the relationship. Once a partner begins to refuse or deny listening to your feelings, that’s unquestionably verbal abuse.
Your Partner Is Volatile
They blow hot and cold, they can be extremely loving, but are often critical. They might tell you how much they love you, yet there’s no caring or consideration towards you. At times, more often than not, they treat you as someone they truly don’t like.
What you do is everything you can to make them happy, but it’s hardly ever good enough. You’re more like a side dish in the relationship, that you’re not an equal partner.
Your constant efforts along with getting their attention and pleasing them, results in limited success. At times they’ll be charmed, but more often it’s dismissive.
If you’re puzzled by how your partner can constantly treat you this way, is because what you’re wanting is a love based relationship, when in reality, what you’re instead living in is a control based relationship.
What the partner themselves is struggling with, is their own feelings of worthlessness and insecurity, as what they do is use their relationship with you, to create a feeling of personal power, this at your expense.
Constantly Being Wary
What then happens over time, is a dividing line which begins to develop, a degree of fear in the relationship. What you’ve come to dread is their constant outbursts, the hurtful things that they direct your way.
Fear or nervousness should never be part of any loving relationship, as delicately walking on eggshells is the key indicator of one that’s unbalanced. What it does is enables your partner to maintain control over you.
The Healing Process
What any relationship that goes off tilt, does is causes emotional damage, this to the partner who’s trying, against all odds, to keep the relationship together. They’re ultimately unable to do so, since their partner seems to be working against them.
Whether anyone is currently in a lopsided relationship this way, or recently left one, the anxiety and the feelings of low self-worth can linger for awhile, but it’s never too late to heal.
What’s needed is a proven recovery process. Those who have suffered any type of verbal abuse, should then expect some type of change, once they approach it the right away.
What can happen however is that some will never get over it, and will then seek and take on another verbally abusive partner.
Forget And Move On
Recovering from a verbally abusive relationship can be a work in progress. Low esteem, limiting beliefs regarding what type of future can be hoped for, is the blockage which can delay one from moving on.
These setbacks can be resolved however, as the language that’s often used to harm, what can be learned instead, is using positive language that can heal.
Most can usually overcome this past verbal abuse, while keeping themselves sheltered and immune from it. What can be cultivated is strength, taking a stand, then creating the life and the relationship that they deserve.