We’ve all watched it happen from the sidelines. A friend, maybe you, someone usually sharp, grounded, and cynical—meets a new partner. Within a month, they’re unrecognizable. They start justifying behavior they used to mock. They ignore the red flags that are practically screaming at them from across the cafe.
We call it “the honeymoon phase” the “get a room phase” and shrug it off. But if we’re being honest, it looks less like a phase and more like a possession. That’s because it is.
“Falling in love” isn’t a gentle drift; it’s a high-level chemical coup. It’s the biological reason why you can be a genius in the boardroom, and an absolute disaster in the bedroom.
If you’ve ever felt like you lost yourself in a relationship, or if you’re currently trying to figure out how you missed the warning signs.
It’s time to stop blaming your character and start looking at your neural hardware.
The Mastermind in the Midbrain: Your Internal Drug Dealer
At the center of this chaos is a tiny cluster of cells in the brain’s “reward” center. It doesn’t care about your long-term compatibility, your shared values.
It doesn’t care whether your new partner actually treats you with respect. What it has is one job: to release massive, gushing intoxicating waves of dopamine.
When you fall in love, the VTA starts firing like a broken dam. It floods your system with the same neurochemical cocktail triggered by high-stakes gambling or addictive substances.
This creates that specific, breathless euphoria we associate with a new romance. It locks you into a loop where you will do almost anything to get your next “hit” of the beloved.
The Shutdown: Why Your Logic Goes Berserk
To ensure that the “addiction” of love takes root, your brain has to silence the voice of reason. Those in the early stages of intense romantic love, the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) deactivates.
This is your executive center, the part of the brain that handles social judgment, critical thinking, and risk assessment.
It’s the internal adult who says, “Wait, they’ve been ‘too busy’ to text for four days. That’s a bad sign.”
Your brain literally loses the hardware capacity to judge the other person. You aren’t “choosing” to ignore the flaws; your brain is physically incapable of seeing them as flaws.
The Death of Fear and the “Positive Illusion”
While your logic is being throttled, your Amygdala, the brain’s alarm system—is also being suppressed. The area that gives you that “gut feeling” when something is off.
It’s your survival instinct. But when you’re hijacked, that alarm is muted. The “social fear” that usually protects you from being exploited or misled simply… disappears.
Into this vacuum of judgment and fear, your brain projects a Positive Illusion. Because you cannot perceive reality, your mind fills the gaps with an idealized version of the person.
The High Cost of the “Dopamine Fog”
The danger isn’t the feeling itself; it’s the decisions we make while we’re under the influence. When your judgment is suspended, you make life-altering commitments.
You sign leases, blend families, you walk away from people who have had your back for decades because they “just don’t get it.” You are building a permanent structure on a temporary chemical spill.
The “adult” eventually returns to the office, looks at the situation, and says, “What on earth have we done?”
If you’ve already entangled your finances, your living situation, and your emotional health, the cost of that realization can be devastating.
This is how “good” people end up in “bad” lives: in all the wrong places, they let a midbrain reaction make a thirty-year decision.
Moving Beyond the Addiction
Real love, not the February 14th type, the kind that actually sustains a life, happens in a different part of the brain entirely.
It is quiet, steady, and—most importantly, it requires your full critical faculties.
True connection isn’t about being “blind” to someone’s flaws; it’s about seeing them with total clarity and deciding that the person is worth the work.
But you can’t reach that stage if the “Addiction Phase” wrecks your life first.
You have to be the guardian of your own neural architecture. You have to recognize the euphoria for what it is: a biological bribe designed to make you take a risk.
You’re Probably Asking What Do I Do
“Does this mean the feeling isn’t real?”
Oh, the feeling is very real. It’s just not reliable. It’s a physiological event, like a fever. It tells you something is happening, but it doesn’t tell you if that “something” is good for you in the long run.
“Can I ever trust my gut again?”
Your “gut” (the Amygdala) is actually very trustworthy, but it’s currently being suppressed. If you feel even a whisper of doubt through the dopamine fog, pay attention. That whisper is the only part of your brain still trying to do its job.
“How do I know when the ‘hijack’ is over?”
You’ll know it’s over when you start noticing their annoying habits. When they stop being a “god” and start being a human. That’s not the end of the love; it’s the beginning of the real thing.
Don’t Let Your Midbrain Map Your Future
You are not a victim of your chemicals, but you are a subject to them. The VTA Hijack is one of the most powerful forces in human nature, but once you name it, it loses its “forbidden” power.
If you feel yourself slipping into that state of “blind” devotion, or if you’re standing in the wreckage of a choice made while your judgment was dark, it’s time for a reset.
Learn to curate yourself to wake up your Prefrontal Cortex, and help you audit your connection with absolute, jaw-dropping clarity. Your future self is counting on you to see the truth today.