What we’re constantly asked is to get real, to be our true authentic selves, to reveal our personalities, to just be who we are. Why is it then so difficult to do so, to express our true identities. What are the forces that are preventing us from revealing ourselves.
We all have a blueprint, a path. Some will decide to serve others, some will just serve themselves. Some will pursue money, others will pursue love. Some are creative, some are crippled emotionally, there are some who are gifted. The sooner that you find out the better.
Then life interferes as we’re faced with the pressures to gain status along with generating a living. Once this is established, however, what we then do is self evaluate ourselves and then begin eliminating things about ourselves that we don’t like, what doesn’t fit.
We find qualities and nuances about who we are which doesn’t resonate with our values. We begin to eliminate certain life paths, people, and tasks which restricts our success and who we are as individuals.
The Issue With Trauma
Somehow, somewhere in our lives, almost everyone has suffered some type, certain levels of trauma or even abuse. Be it behind closed doors at home, at school, among our friends or peers, or from the big bad violent world out there.
Absolutely everyone is guaranteed to have some scars, some deeper that others, and as a result have developed defense mechanisms designed to escape, survive, to cope somehow.
These coping mechanisms then become a part of our lives, lasting years, at times decades after the traumatic event. We’ve all been confronted by events which were out of our control, such as abuse or racism.
Then we’re forced to put up a false persona, a shield to protect ourselves from experiencing the same trauma over again. The issue becomes who we really are gets buried, suppressed, and then we lose touch of our true identity.
What’s needed is that you be bold and confront yourself, critique this false behavior. Exposing your true self is a difficult task, as the traumatic events will come storming back, stopping you in your tracks whenever you’re attempting to get real and reveal yourself.
We Fall To Peer Pressure
We’re all told by the media and our peers how we’re supposed to act, look, feel, and behave, this to fit into our well manicured mainstream culture. The evidence is astounding, as magazine covers and TV ads display thin beautiful scantily clad idealized bodies, what you’re supposed to look like.
Every article on the Internet tells us we should be bolder, smarter, appear more confident, eat the right foods, look younger, relax, don’t look nervous, and every other behavior in between.
Spiritually, we’re told to be a lot more grateful and forgiving, physically, we’re told to exercise more, get more sleep, how to love, how to communicate. We’re bombarded with a veritable set of “how to” instructions on how we should behave.
So how can you find your true self with all this external input. Act out who you truly are and make it visible to the world. Sculpt our lives to display our true selves.
We’re Stereotyped Into Our Gender Roles
We’re told early in life how boys and girls should act, behave, and feel. Most conform to their roles. What’s constantly refined is a distinct divide, how men should behave under certain situations, and how women should be reacting under the same circumstances.
We are led to believe that men are deeper thinkers while women are more emotional. Than men solve problems while women complain about them. Men will deal with pressure by being alone, while women deal with stress by talking it out. Men will feel accomplished once a goal is reached, while women feel accomplished once they’re loved.
All these established cultural viewpoints, pointing out the distinct differences when it comes to men and women are predictable as they are invariable. But these are just scripts on how we’re supposed to act, and not who we really are.
Men are asked to be stoic, become aggressive, and essentially be anti-feminine. Women are stereotyped worse, stay at home, raise your babies and please your man, this to the grunt of female academics.
There’s extreme pressure to conform to our gender roles, impacting us emotionally, physically, and fiscally, as we’re forced to contort to our traditional roles, not allowing us to expand our identities.
The Need To Be Rational
Our need to think as critical as possible, to subdue our emotional minds when they get in the way, this so we can think rational. This idea bleeds over to conventional thinking, that we’re asked to think sensible, alienating our emotions when we need to react.
Our feelings, our emotions then become buried, but they still have their own intelligence. We still become hurt once something or someone treats us bad, we still become angry when someone provokes our reactions. We’re asked to subdue these feelings but are unable to do so.
Other emotions such as sadness or anxiety are also worthy, this since they offer insight into what condition we’re in. When it comes to difficult issues or conflicts, however, it’s our emotional reactions which needs the most attention.
There’s an insistence by society along with ourselves that all of our problems must be resolved rationally and not emotionally, which becomes a distorted form of denial.
We’re constantly encouraged to act logical, this at the expense of our emotional minds, which can become a dangerous health hazard if we’re wanting to know who we are. Otherwise, we can’t express our true selves, or build relationships with others.