We are a pleasure seeking society as we search for good. Most of us spend our energy seeking pleasure while avoiding pain. We hope by doing this, we will make ourselves happier than we are. Yet, attempting to abide true happiness and joy eludes so many of us.
There is a huge gap between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure is the momentary feeling that comes from something external, a good meal, our stock going up, making love, and so on.
Pleasure has to do with the positive experiences of our senses, and with good things happening to us.
What pleasurable experiences gives us are momentary feelings of happiness, but this happiness does not last very long because it is dependent upon external events and experiences.
We have to keep on having these good experiences such as more food, perhaps more alcohol, more money, more things we enjoy in order to feel pleasure.
As a result, most us become become addicted to these external experiences, needing more and more to feel a short-lived feeling of happiness.
I Feel Happy… Really
Say you consider yourself to have everything you need, a successful business, a loving spouse and children, a beautiful home, and leisure time to enjoy life. Yet you don’t feel happy.
While you may have momentary feelings of happiness when socializing with friends, you constantly feel anxious and depressed much of the time, especially when alone.
In fact, the anxiety can become so bad you have constant headaches, which your doctor has told you is from stress induced anxiety.
As we worked together, it became apparent that Thomas main desire in life was to have control over people and events. He wanted others to do things his way and to believe the way he believed. He was frequently judgmental with his employees, wife, children and friends, believing that he was right and they were wrong and it was his job to straighten them out with his judgment and criticism. His energy would become hard and tough and he would be like a steamroller in his efforts to get his point across and get others to do things his way. When it worked and others gave in, Thomas felt a momentary pang of pleasure. But the pain in his stomach kept getting worse and worse, which is why he decided to consult with me.
Thomas also wanted control over his own feelings, and would often judge himself as harshly as he judged others in an effort to get himself to perform well and feel okay. He especially judged himself harshly when he felt rejected by others, frequently telling himself that he was an inadequate jerk.
As we worked together, Thomas began to see that happiness is the result of choosing to be a kind, caring, compassionate and gentle person with himself and others quite the opposite of the judgmental, controlling person he had chosen to be. Thomas learned that happiness is the natural result of being present in each moment with love and kindness toward himself and others, rather than with being attached to the outcome of things and trying to control the outcome regarding events and others behavior. He discovered that he felt deep joy whenever he let go of control and chose caring instead. The anxiety in his stomach went away whenever his intention was to be a kind and caring person rather than a controlling one.
Don’t Worry Be Happy
It is not easy to shift out of the deep devotion to control and become devoted to love and compassion toward oneself and others. Our ego wounded self has been practicing control since we were very little. Yet the moment our intent is to control, our heart closes and we feel alone and anxious inside. Our intent to seek safety and pleasure through controlling others, outcomes, and our own feelings leads to an inner feeling of abandonment and emptiness. We abandon ourselves when we are trying to control our feelings rather than be kind and compassionate with ourselves. Our anxiety and feelings of emptiness lead to more seeking outside ourselves to fill up with pleasurable experiences. The momentary pleasure leads to addictive behavior.
When the intent shifts out of controlling and not being controlled to becoming loving to ourselves and others, the heart opens and joy is the result. Deep and abiding happiness and joy are the natural result of operating out of the spiritual values of caring, compassion and kindness.