Look at those sad eyes, the poor body language of their marriage. The reasons why most married couples remain with one another is fear, laziness, convenience, or finances. The transgressions are many. They despise one other as they’re no longer compatible, yet remain together.
Selfishness, repeatedly lying, refusal of sex, ignorance, unfaithfulness are the usual culprits. Yet they stay with each other, and pretend they’re still in bliss at family gatherings.
They’ll constantly come up with excuses why they won’t separate, continuing to go home to the person they despise.
They need to keep reminding themselves how happy they once were, convincing themselves they would like to remain married, for appearance sake.
There’s faint hope things will eventually get better, life will correct itself, and the once loving bond can somehow be salvaged.
Why Remain In An Unhappy Marriage
A failed marriage is embarrassing. There’s the unwillingness to part with the assets in a divorce action. Not wanting to give up a home where so many memories were forged.
The attachment to the in-laws, family and relatives and mutual friends.
All while becoming frightened about the possible alternatives. The fear of loneliness also looms, the uncertainly of the future.
So couples remain married living separate lives, miserable, while putting up a false front.
What About The Kids
It’s reasonable to think those who remain in an empty marriage, both have their own hidden agendas, but it’s usually because of the kids.
The kids especially if they’re young, since they don’t understand why.
Divorce can have a damaging effect on the fairy tale comfort that is mommy and daddy, living happily ever after.
The fear their children might grow up with permanent emotional scars from the experience, worries them.
Divorce is a traumatic life altering event. Living through the drama and the circumstances leading up to the divorce, can at times be more devastating than the divorce itself.
It’s known children who grew up with parents that couldn’t stand one other can leave a black mark on their life, because the institution broke.
Some adult children however, secretly wished their parents would have divorced or lived separately, because of the constant fighting.
The Financial Burden
Money is the evil, being the residue which keeps couples together or separates them. It costs far more to live separately, than to live together. The actual cost of divorce is also expensive.
What’s known is one of the biggest reasons why couples argue is because of money. It’s the root cause of most disagreements, and the most common grounds for divorce.
On the other hand, the reason why some will remain in a static marriage and not wanting to divorce, is because their spouse is wealthy, so why cut themselves off.
Mutual Friends
What occurs after a divorce, leaves both the husband and the wife estranged from the mutual friends they’ve shared. The separation becomes unnerving, not wanting to face them.
Most divorced couples will decide to hide because of the embarrassment, that they failed, and are no longer relevant.
Their self image and esteem plummets, as they take a hefty blow in the wake of a failed marriage.
Family Ties
What was an excellent relationship with the in-laws becomes sundered, which can be a blow once dissolving the marriage. In some cases, the loss can be a blessing in disguise.
For some, the in-laws were a substitute for the missing or loving parents they’ve never had in their own life. The sense of loss then compounds.
In some instances, the relationship between the former son or daughter in-law will continue after the divorce, or with other family members.
The Finality Of A Divorce
It’s the end of the road from someone you once loved. The ultimate finale to the love story which becomes tragic based on a number of reasons, as the incompatibility becomes too great.
Many will regard divorce as being shameful and embarrassing, or their faith won’t allow it.
So most would rather just stay in their bad marriage which is at the very least tolerable, and fake it through another family birthday.
What’s obvious is they’re living separate lives, and won’t acknowledge to anyone it’s empty.
What was obvious to everyone however, was it wasn’t going to last, as love is blind but the neighbors and relatives aren’t.
The union was obviously dysfunctional from the beginning, and has now come off the rails with no hope of recovery.
Some Are Just Scared
Married life has sheltered and encompassed them, and all they’ve known as an adult. They’re petrified to disrupt the routine of living their life, the sanctuary that is married life.
There are thoughts there’s no one else on the planet who can ever love them again.
That once they divorce, they’re damaged goods. There’s no new beginning at the end of the marriage.
There’s a feeling of finality to this thing called divorce, realizing they don’t have the courage to step out on their own.
So they choose to fake it instead. Pretend their broken heart is still in full bloom with being married to that person.
The Salvage Project
Some unhappy marriages are salvageable, others are doomed. The movies tell us there’s hope, broken marriages can at times repair back together, and cupid will step in.
The reality is relationships become broken, a commonality in this culture of freedom we live in. People move on, as life is in constant perpetual motion.
How happy they are depends on their emotional maturity, which isn’t much different from those suddenly becoming widows or widowers.
It comes down to how well they adapt, how willing they are wanting to start a new life, try new things and meet new people.
How well they’re able to prepare for change, as it depends on their courage to do so.