Once upon a time, tradition, our grandmother telling us that we will meet somebody one day who will sweep us off our feet, and will then settle down with that perfect soulmate, our compatible equal for the rest of our lives.
That relationship, that meeting of the minds and ideal spiritual match will then remain fresh and true until the end of our lives. The proof being that there’s greeting cards of elderly couples holding hands, taking a romantic walk, so you think to yourself, that’s us when we grow older together.
That’s a great moment and a picture perfect hallmark postcard, to have someone as your lifelong mate living a happy lasting relationship. But we all know that there are now close to 50% percent of all marriages in North America which will crash and burn, come to a screeching halt.
So what then are the most important ideals when it comes to making love last, or is that even possible these days. Is the human condition even physiologically capable of adjusting to and being compatible with just one partner our entire lives.
The Intellectual Levels Needs To Be The Same
If not, them boredom will eventually set in on the other person. Brain compatibility is attractive and should be considered sexy. This especially once the initial romance gets tiresome, so what’s needed is a sense of kinship, yearning to engage in deep discussion, or participating in endeavors with each other whom they consider an intellectual equal.
Any marriage at first is a meeting of the hearts, the brains being a close second. The initial physical love needs to eventually turn into intellectual love, and then needs to become compatible and productive alongside each other. If not, then there’s stalemate, and rust eventually develops. The end result being one partner will eventually begin to wander, wanting more.
Sharing The Same Experiences
Sharing the same life experiences, interactions and memories builds a stronger positive memory bank for future reference. For instance, traveling, exercising, dancing, cooking, worshiping, making art, and solving problems together.
It’s not the actual activity that matters, but it’s rather if two people are able to bond closer together while interacting with these events with each another, then it forges the memory forever.
When people spend time together, they can then develop unique ways of how they relate to each other which transforms their relationship from being a completely impersonal one, to one that’s interpersonal.
Lets Get Emotional
The need and ability for both to effectively express as well as validate tender loving emotions. This in a manner which is constructive and nourishing, while being able to take positive affirmative action with the other person, becoming mutual.
For instance: “How are you feeling today?” “How are you doing?” “I appreciate and love you,” “I absolutely love it when we have these talks,” “I’m so glad we could spend this time together,” “I’m sorry.”
Being Physically Compatible
Including all forms of physical affection. Intimacy which includes being physical, but doesn’t always necessarily have to be. This as long as all of the other aspects remain sound. This physical intimacy will often last a lifetime, even if it eventually diminishes due to old age, bad health, or stress.
How Much Do You Trust Each Other
Ultimate trust is the most important indicator when it comes to long term success in a relationship. If the trust is missing or violated, nothing else then really matters. So know the following:
• Generally, is your partner dependable and reliable
• Do they keep all of the important agreements and promises
• Do you consider your partner to be the “rock” in your life and count on it
• Would your partner feel the same about you
For some, trust may be an extremely complicated issue. There are some who’ll blindly give their trust. This even if their partner has continuously shown to be untrustworthy and unreliable, yet they’ll continue to give them undeserved chances, over and over again.
As the saying goes, “Fool me once, then shame on you, fool me twice, then shame on me.” Allowing someone who’s untrustworthy and a chronic liar to continue to be a cheat, creates an inherently insecure relationship which leads towards disillusionment and abuse.
So evaluate your partner’s trustworthiness and don’t base it on wishful thinking or unkempt promises, but rather on the overall record of dependability.
Some will just grant faith and blind trust while others will always have their suspicions and degrees of trust issues, this depending on the positive or negative experiences from their past.
There are some who are just not capable of trusting any committed relationship, or trust people in general, which really means that they don’t trust themselves. In their relationships, they’re incapable and thus struggle to trust their partner, this regardless of how dependable or faithful they may be.
So you need to honestly ask yourself whether this lack of trust is based on unjustified fears or solid evidence. If the answer is fear, then it may be beneficial to get outside support to allow yourself to trust appropriately again. Don’t allow this fear to push someone in your life away.
Are Your Financial Values Compatible
There are numerous studies which support that the biggest and most common disagreement among couples is usually over finances, which leads to marital counseling, and even divorce.
There’s also a variety of financial issues which may influence nuptial happiness. Issues which includes the amount of debt, and poor spending habits, which leads the list when it comes to financial disagreements.
According to reports, the couples who disagreed about their finances at least once a week are more than likely to separate. The differences when it comes to financial values and beliefs will also often appear early in a relationship. For instance:
• How often do you argue over any type of finances on a regular basis
• Do you just cringe whenever your partner purchases something that you believe is a big waste of money
• Is your partner satisfied with what they own, or is there a quest to always buy new things
• Are you able to solve any financial difficulties as a team
What you need to do is formulate a viable financial plan, pay close attention to the patterns of financial discontent. Initiate conversations to resolve these issues, and if needed, seek financial counseling which should solve and maintain peace.