What getting a divorce for married couples, is when worlds crumble. End of the road. They failed, they’re incapable of being compatible, they’re cold unloving selfish people. Most religions disapprove, the lives of their children become pawns. So the message for married couples, is to remain together by any means possible.
But close to one-half of all marriages now end up in divorce court, and this stat is rising. Times are changing in the once sacred “I Do,” where it actually meant something. The biggest casualties are the remnants of their bond, their children, often when young, get caught in the crossfire.
But what can be more damaging at times, is remaining in a toxic marriage, causing more harm than good to the kids, than divorce ever can.
Children have no other choice, but to endure the loveless marriage, tolerate the emotional tension on a daily basis. But on the surface, everything appears fine to their family, friends, and neighbors.
No One Ever Is To Blame
What they feel is their parents’ venom, the unhappiness, they sense their distance and the lack of intimacy. What ultimately happens, is that children then begin blaming themselves.
What they think is their parents’ friction, their constant combative relationship, is their fault. That they remain together, “for the sake of the kids.”
The Chronic Tension
Their loving parents relationship that turns sour, is what leaves the deepest emotional scars, one that doesn’t fade as they grow older. They go to school and can’t make close friends, they get poor grades.
A natural part of their development is a loving home, which should be a sanctuary. The loving unconditional internalized bonding by both parents. But when the parents are constantly fighting, what the children will do is internalize the conflict.
Instead of feeling loved and comforted when with their parents, all they feel is tension. What this constant turmoil leaves are serious social, emotional, and physical imprints in children, usually leading to hopelessness, depression, and chronic fatigue.
Unstable Sense Of Oneself
The home is supposed to be a safe haven. A place where children should feel nurtured and protected, from the cruel world out there. But what the constant bickering between the parents does, is takes firm root inside their psyche.
What all the strain does is pecks away at their security, leaving them with shattered internal peace, forcing to question themselves when it comes to their own impulses.
All they want is to be loved, but will reject it. What they yearn for are friends, but what they choose instead is isolation. What they have are excellent creative and intellectual abilities, but they’ll constantly sabotage their own efforts.
The constant external conflict that’s between their parents, does is eventually becomes an internal battle that festers within themselves, as they soak it all in, What results is a complicated life, which hinders their emotional development as they grow older.
Fear Of Becoming Intimate
Children who are forced to grow up in a household that’s a constant war zone, where the parents are always battling on a nightly basis, does is leaves huge emotional gaps about family and marriage. What they have is difficulty getting close to others.
What just the thought of intimacy does, is instantly triggers all of the traumas that they suffered, this when witnessing the dysfunction their parents displayed. They avoid getting close to anyone, this to avoid they getting hurt themselves.
If they do somehow manage to establish an intimate relationship, what they remain is guarded and cautious, unable to trust, fearing turmoil might break out at any moment .
Once any type of adversity does arise, they’ll immediately flashback and relive their parents conflicts, thinking their own relationship is doomed.
Parents who display constant conflict behind closed doors, does is produces children who struggles with serious persistent mood issues, such as dysthymia.
This condition if left untreated, does is results in personality disorders or substance abuse. The root of all of their problems, is because of a lack of hope.
What’s learned at an early age, is to realize optimism doesn’t exist, and to always expect the worst. What bad toxic marriages does, is causes children to mature far too quickly.
Divorce: The End Game
Surrendering by ending a marriage is a massive undertaking. Most consider divorce should be the final option. This once all possible effort has been taken to save the marriage, that everything’s been completely exhausted.
What’s first recommended is getting couples counseling, where it teaches each other proven methods of working through their conflicts, this without needing to resort to emotional warfare.
What it does is offers a method of working through their differences, this rather than exposing it to their kids. The goal is to communicate while enhancing intimacy.
Join Support Groups
What’s found by joining support groups, once sharing each others feelings and conflicts, is discovering that they’re not alone, that there are others in similar predicaments.
What hearing about the struggles of other couples, the similar or worse difficulties that they’re facing, and how they’re tackling and working through them, can do is bring much needed relief and inspiration.
What it provides, is a community of like minded people, who injects new hope in the relationship.
Healthy Divorce Or Bad Marriage
Divorce, similar to marriage, isn’t something that should be rushed into recklessly. Depending on how many “daggers” are thrown during the divorce proceedings, can have a positive or negative outcome.
While separating increases tension in the children’s lives, a hostile divorce that drags on, can prove more damaging.
If you decide to remain married, or you’re convinced issues can’t be resolved and file for divorce, know that you’ll remain parents forever.