The definition of intent, is to have the conviction of getting the true spirit of the message across to another, with clarity. These words of intent however will often get muddled, confusing, and it’s true meaning is lost somewhere in translation.
It’s been discovered there’s a reason for this misinterpretation of communication, once someone is told to do something without explanation.
Often, the words we speak, what we say will have far less impact to the listener, than the force and energy that’s placed behind the words that are spoken.
So regardless of what it is you’re attempting to say, it’s often not what the listener will hear and interpret.
To Speak With Intent
The energy, the tone, which goes behind a particular spiel of verbiage, is determined solely by our intent.
When it comes to the majority of the communication between people, there are always two different intentions which can motivate any given verbalized statement.
It’s found we’re often intent on controlling the other person, by what we say to them. Or we’re intent on learning more about ourselves, or them.
The difference is in the energy that’s used between these two intentions. This is what frequently creates the confusion during the transfer process.
When Someone Doesn’t Understand
For instance, say Jason is always complaining about the fact his partner, Sally, will often get upset with him. She does so over seemingly minor irrelevant issues.
There was a recent conflict which occurred over a book she was reading. All he simply asked her was, why she had decided to read that particular book.
She suddenly responded by snapping back at him, obviously irritated. “Why is she so angry,” Jason wondered.
What needs to be understood, is the reason why Jason asked about her book choice in the first place. The reason to him he thought, was just curiosity and nothing else.
Miscommunication Of Communication
But once delving deeper, what was realized was the subject of that particular book was what intrigued him. Perhaps it was the title, which somehow peaked his curiosity.
It was revealed he was actually puzzled by the subject of the book, which was titled “How women could become more independent.”
What was threatening to him, was he was afraid she was wanting to split up with from him.
What needs to be determined is the true “intent,” that motivated him to ask her.
The Backbone Of Intent
Was it the intent on attempting to control her, or was the intention based solely on curiosity. To learn more about their relationship.
It was found he was actually attempting to control her, and it was his strict delivery and tone of voice. This to her, came across like he was blaming her somehow.
Sally has constantly told him how much she hates it when he’s attempting to control what she does. He claims she’s wrong regarding that accusation.
But deep inside, he knows that he’s trying to control her.
What she was doing was responding to his intent of his tone, in the obvious attempts to control her.
She responds with irritation, which occurs frequently in their relationship. So what was agreed upon was more open learning by both.
Knowing Exactly What Your Intent Is
It’s not so much the words which are spoken, but more of the energy that’s placed behind the words.
The force of energy directly behind what’s said, such as. “Why are you reading that book?” sounds completely different when the intent is to control, rather than curiosity.
The exact same words can be spoken with a completely different inflection, with an edge such as shaming and blaming, or with genuine caring and curiosity.
It’s your intention that will determine the energy, which is said behind the words.
So Sally wasn’t responding directly to the words themselves, but rather more to the blaming behind the words.
This was discovered as the cause of the confusion, when it came to the communication process.
The Weight Behind Words
The exact same words, can be communicated in two completely different ways, depending on what your trying to extract.
The chances are if Jason didn’t feel threatened by the book, then he may of not even questioned her about why she was reading it in the first place.
What’s been realized and agreed upon, was that Jason was attempting to control her, and that’s what she is responding to, and not to the actual question that he was asking.
It Comes Down To What You Really Mean
What Jason then began to consciously monitor, was his actual intent in what he was saying. If it was communicated properly.
To him, it was a bit of a challenge to remove himself from attempting to constantly control her, this since he’s been doing so for most of his life with all of the other relationships that he’s had.
But Joshua had the motivation to change as he realized that if he didn’t, he would risk the potential of losing this particular relationship. So he began taking sharper focus on knowing what he says, this especially when his intent was trying to control her.
As Joshua became more aware whenever he spoke, he was able to consciously shift it from controlling, and more towards the discovery of each other.
Once the energy of his communications with Sally began to change, their relationship began to flourish as well. Both were thrilled with the deeper understanding in communication, and a stronger bond was developing between them as a result. All this thanks to properly applying their true intention.