Some people just come across as cold and frigid, they come across as distant, they fail to ever develop true friendships. They berate themselves, convinced that they’re fated to never connect close to another human, to ever join forces with a person of interest.
They’ve known this sole existence as a child. What they do is list their lack of close relationships and place blame on their upbringing, that they’ve experienced trauma, bullying, a chronic medical condition, dysfunction such as divorce or parental abuse.
Any of these life altering events prevents them for getting close to another person. They don’t feel secure or can easily trust, let alone become intimate with someone, to have a close friendship, or a mutually healthy romantic relationship.
Everyone who feels anxious about getting close to someone, and has the desire and the need to do so, can. It just becomes a learning process as adults.
There are ways to overcome this solidarity, proven steps to relax and get more comfortable around others, deepening that relationship romantically, socially, with coworkers or with family members.
Believe In Yourself First
Self-esteem is usually the cause, where you are constantly feeling negative and bad about yourself, feeling that you don’t deserve anyone, this while on the quest to find someone.
What you get caught in is a cycle of attempting to feel better, and once that’s temporarily achieved, you continue to struggle with intimacy. Any type of win is quickly followed by a defeating low.
The initial sparks of the passion are soon extinguished once the intimacy fails to sustain itself over time. Until you feel genuine self-love for yourself, true love from the outside world isn’t possible.
The Process Of Building Self Love
Are you placing all of your energy into making the relationship work. Are you waiting for someone to provide you with something that only you can create. If you hide what you think is unlikeable about yourself, then refocus.
Instead of seeking this from someone else, become closer with yourself first. Know what you struggle with and treat that with compassion. Instead of attempting to find someone to couple with, build a stronger relationship with yourself first, otherwise no one will never know the real you.
Know What Your Feelings Are
You feel uncomfortable getting close to others, this because you fail to express how you feel, and then later resent that you don’t know them on a deeper level.
Then you feel disappointed in your relationships, realizing a deeper sense of loneliness, which only further disconnects you from getting close and belong. Instead of blaming others, realize that you’re not being transparent enough.
Those who struggle with intimacy are usually uncomfortable in social situations as they have no idea what to say or share. Instead of thinking so much on what others think about you, just express yourself better.
Generate your experiences and feelings, and then force yourself to say them. Express your emotions: happy, sad, disappointment, anger, etc. Find the words to say on what you’re thinking, feeling, experiencing, and then say them out loud.
Seek out those you makes you feel better once you disclose these emotions, this without judgement or being put down. Notice if they’re receptive to what you say. Even if they don’t agree with you, if they’re listening, then there’s a sense of validation.
Others Who Are Not Intimate
Once people feel awkward or anxious about themselves and don’t know how to deal with it, they’ll usually hang out with others who are the same way. They surround themselves with others who are similar in personality.
They may resent doing so, but they’re comfortable with those who also avoids intimacy, this because they’re not challenged about who they are, or what they’re feelings are.
Then they end up feeling alone in a world that sorely needs more compassion. So if you’re wanting to become closer to others, then avoid being around those who won’t challenge you to grow. Engage with those who’ll force you to talk about who you are.
Find Those Who Are Intimate
For those who are struggling to get to know others, instead of self-development, what they focus on instead are the faults of others, what they’re doing wrong or what they need to do better.
It never occurs to them why that person never attempts to get to know them better. Instead, they accept what’s being said about them, and how their behavior reflects who they are.
If they avoid you, they don’t pay attention when you’re trying to be serious, notice what they’re communicating. Notice if they’re careful or excessively thoughtful when bringing up certain issues.
Realize if they’re talking more with others about how they feel, than they are with you. Know these are all signs that the person you’re attempting to attach to, is avoiding intimacy.
Keep reminding yourself that those who are capable of real intimacy are reliable, will keep their commitments, display an interest along with the willingness to get to know you better.
Continue to challenge your discomfort with those who are already in a healthy place, this by forcing yourself to be with or around them more.
Just Go Do It
There’s no better solution to becoming more comfortable and close to others than just doing it, forcing yourself to be more open, this in spite of yourself.
Although your feelings may be telling you that you should escape or that you’ll look foolish, you should still remain yourself. Instead of taking all of your shame or self criticism to heart, just allow things to work themselves out.
Hook onto your values and the intense desire to be in a close intimate relationship. Regardless of the risk, cost, or initial awkwardness, it’s definitely worth it.