By some invisible bond, we’re instantly attracted to certain individuals for a variety of different reasons, some that we’re not aware of or completely understand.
We’re usually attracted to these people based on how they look, how they act, their mannerism, or how they speak or sound.
These are the reasons which resides on the surface that we recognize and can identify as the most obvious and evident.
Yet, below the surface bubbles a conscious awareness which is a bit more subtle and less apparent to the senses. Factors which contribute towards the degree of attractiveness that we’ll find in others.
These factors of attraction are usually unspoken, silent vibes which are transmitted subliminally towards an individuals unknown desires or wishes for what we’re able to experience.
They often involve the agenda of the heart instead of the desires of the mind. Such includes the hopes of fulfillment, the healing of past wounds, or a realization to fulfill our deepest potential.
There are other factors which will make someone appear attractive to us, which includes what we sense that we can experience with them, and how they can hopefully improve the quality of our lives.
Once meeting someone for the first time, we may feel that they have the potential to be able to bring more passion into our lives, or more peaceful healing, joy, and general fulfillment. These thoughts also happen in an instant.
Past Hurts Which Project Into The Future
The majority of us as we move forward towards becoming full fledged adults, will leave a world of unhealed wounds from our childhood behind, which stunts our self-esteem and self worth. As a result, we usually don’t think of ourselves as being complete.
Then, what makes someone that we meet particularly attractive to us is because we believe that person could make us more whole, as in “You complete me.” As this is happening, we then become hopeful that we’ll finally identify and fulfill the areas of our lives where we feel are missing or fragmented, thus making us one.
The healing process begins with being willing to identify and repair ourselves. So once the level of trust in the relationship deepens, the past wounds will become a lot more open and exposed.
In the presence of someone that we trust, what was once repressed and denied are then opened up for conscious awareness. This is the exposure as well as the compassion of a loving presence which can transform past pain into love.
Entering Relationships To Repair Ourselves
It’s rare to enter into a relationship with the conscious intention of hoping to recover from a past emotional wound, or knowing the specific nature of the wounds.
In a loving relationship which is trusting, it’s a natural tendency to bring out what’s been previously withheld and denied. The feeling of safety along with compassion that’s developed in the relationship compels the emergence which requires care.
The desire to experience wholeness in oneself allows us to confront all of the circumstances that we once found ourselves in when we were young adults or children.
Completing The Bonding Process
The process isn’t entirely one sided, however, although at times it may appear that one partner plays the role as the “patient,” who is in need of repair, while the other is the “provider.”
In the majority of situations, both partners are usually in need of some type of healing as well as making an effort in different ways so they can recover and repair their own deficiencies.
We will also usually be attracted to those who we feel has matching wounds, claiming, “We have so much in common.” These individuals are the ones who we feel we can effectively connect with, retrieving what has been past buried or denied that we need to access.
This process, however, is usually a lot more difficult as well as prolonged than we think it should be, as it’s not a decision which is made intentionally or consciously.
It’s more rather a state of mind where individuals will open up once they feel more trust in their partner while being supported by them. There’s then this awareness that a complete restoration of wholeness is possible with this person.
This recognition then becomes the incentive to overcome the resistance which is natural to experience once someone stands in the face of their once painful experiences.
Living A Life Of Quiet Desperation
It’s not surprising that there’s a lot of individuals who choose to live their lives in quiet desperation, ignoring the facts while choosing not to face their fears.
This because overcoming the natural resistance when it comes to this process requires strength and commitment, and more importantly, the unbiased support of a partner who’s dedicated to go the distance, even though they may feel like they’re being used.
In some cases, the path is riddled with failure, unexpected surprises, but there are also the wins which shouldn’t be discounted. In the process when embodying this commitment, these qualities will then become strengthened to an extent that we’re no longer the same person who began the journey.
Both partners as a result will then become more autonomous as individuals, and more intimate as a couple. Although the path may become daunting, the end rewards can also be profound. This is the spade work which all relationships need to do, which can also be classified as a labor of love.