Reasons The Dating Process Should Be Treated Like A Probation

when first dating someoneWhat the probation period does is allows you to discover without committing. It’s a proven way to test drive an employee for compatibility. If they have the right attitude and aptitude for the job. This is how dating should be as well. Testing someone out much like an internship, before plunging in and committing.

The problem when it comes to dating is that most aren’t patient enough, as what they often lack is a logical mindset that’s curious, this to determine if the individual fits or not. There should be an option to keep or ditch the person after this probation period. Then the “red flags” which can appear later are avoided.

That’s what probationary periods will do. For the majority of the time, whether it be interviewing for a job or meeting someone, all most remembers is just the initial first impressions.

Everyone is new and shiny and on their best behavior, that what we see in their eyes reveals what our hopes and dreams are. Everything that they want, we want.

First Impressions Count
Some of the information that we initially gather is, and will continue to be true during the probation period. After that new car smell fades however, do you still like what you see.

What you like about them, their laugh, that gaze, their hair, is just a small fragment of the probation period. The point of a probation is that you learn to know their quirks, annoyances, this before you commit.

You don’t need to decide on the first day, first week, or even after a few months. After the initial attraction, you’ll eventually find out why they bore you, this usually several months into the courtship.

Constantly Collect Information
The probation might be challenging or invigorating at the beginning, but will eventually become stale. She suddenly appears preoccupied, he seems uncaring. What you’ll insist is that it’s just a dry spell.

Instead, realize that you now have more information about each other. Do you still have the same interests. Are they growing, maturing, at the same rate you are.

The one thing that you’ll never know at the start of the probation, when first dating, is what it’s going to be like once the going gets tough.

How are they going to react, how are they going to treat you once you get sick, once they become stressed out, or when you have a bad day at work.

How about when you make a mistake, mess up, and feelings are hurt. How are you going to treat each other during those times when you absolutely despise each other.

This is what will invariably happen a few years into the relationship. These fights can take couples into the depths of rage, despair, and hopelessness. There’s no way of knowing how each other will react in these situations, until it happens.

Never Accept How Things Are
From the beginning of the probation, make requests, lay out guidelines, tell them what you like, what you don’t like, what irks you, what angers or turns you off.

You always won’t get what you ask for, so make them appropriate and reasonable. From the very beginning, make sure you place a framework on the relationship, one that you can both agree on.

Be verbal, offer feedback, respond to the feedback that you get, and reach a compromise that will work for both of you.

Don’t Attempt To Fix Everything
Put in the effort to make sure that this relationship will work for you. If it doesn’t, then that’s okay as well. It might just not be the proper fit. This is the reason for the probation, and that’s to see if all the pieces fit.


You may of initially thought that you were going to like this person, but once you discovered more, you realize they don’t quite meet your needs. There’s no point bending backwards in the attempts to fix things. It’s not a full commitment, you’re not locked in.

The only commitment that you have is during the probation period, that you’ll give it your full effort, that you’re all in, this only to see if the returns are a good fit for you or not.

What happens is that once people start dating and there’s conflict, most will treat that disagreement as a relational problem. That it just needs to be worked out. What’s not realized is that it potentially can’t be worked out, that you’re just not compatible.

Don’t Jump Just Because They Offer
It’s common for the probation to turn into a relationship. But just because you go into this probationary period, and you both initially like each other, doesn’t always mean you have to commit.

Instead, take full advantage of the exploratory, temporary nature that are probation’s. Commit once you have all the information that you need, and that it’s favorable. Never commit just because you’re dating them.

The other person might be disappointed, get confused, pouty, or angry, this because you don’t want to enter into a relationship. It may be difficult for them, but just walk away if everything isn’t right.

Things Always Don’t Work Out
Regardless of the relationship, there’s always going to be struggles, strife, conflict, and at times disappointment. That’s the nature of relationships which can’t be avoided.

The goal isn’t to find the perfect partner or match. The key becomes finding someone who satisfies most of the core qualities that you want in a partner, and who’s willing to fight with you to move the relationship forward.

Find out who the person is once they’re no longer attempting to impress you, when you’re on your last nerve, times when you’re wanting to throw in the towel.

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