What some experts have narrowed this down to are reasons why relationships fail or succeed, plummet like a rock or sail off into the sunset. There are certain traits, which details the correlation if a relationship will sink or swim.
What’s been determined by various relationship experts is that there are four distinct traits, certain behaviors which disposes transparency in a potential relationship. Does it have the sustainability to last for eternity. These indicators are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
What’s been revealed is that these can be relationship destroying attributes, this by analyzing in detail the correlation between those who are subjected to them, and the likelihood that the relationship is in muddy waters.
The 4 Traits That Can Divide
Being critical, this by attacking the personality or character of your partner, usually with the intent of making them right or wrong.
Contempt is attacking your partner’s sense of self, this with the intent on insulting or psychologically abusing them.
Then enters defensiveness, this when one sees themselves as the victim, which wards off a perceived attack.
Stonewalling, withdrawing from the relationship can be the final blow, this to avoid conflict.
A partner thinks that they’re being neutral by stonewalling, but what it instead conveys is disapproval, separation, distance, smugness, or disconnection.
To Avoid At All Costs
Partnerships which are exposed to these traits may be in peril. What results is spending too much time being agitated, constantly feeling that the partner is being critical, showing contempt and feeling defensive.
Once these feelings are felt, then the prospects of a lasting partnership aren’t thought that great. In successful partnerships, what both sees are positive traits in each other.
Signs Of Mutual
Partnerships that are successful have genuine respect for each other, this rather than judgement. They feel free to talk openly about anything with each other, other than seeking personal space.
Speaking openly without the need to be defensive, fear of rejection, feeling understood rather than thinking they need to explain themselves without critical feedback. The question for many remains how does one achieve this.
To Find Someone In Common
This can happen by doing the groundwork of intensively searching for a partner that’s compatible, this by having attributes, attitudes, and expectations that are well matched.
This compatibility is based on who you are, and what’s available to you, while having a mutual temperament, which offers enough positive similarities to iron out the differences.
Being compatible enough to keep a potentially escalating argument in check, this by changing the subject, taking personal space, which can occur if the partner chooses to frame your responses negatively.
How Relationships Can Fail
All couples disagree on a daily basis, and fight more often than not. It’s how frequent they fight which becomes the baseline.
The more that these deteriorating behaviors become common, this stemming from either partner, can become a slippery slope downwards.
Focusing on how both chooses to resolve the conflict isn’t the entire story, as it’s found that each needs to know what the other is doing, this especially when there’s no fighting.
Whenever something goes wrong, what some will do is instantly pinpoint or attribute it to their partner’s personal weaknesses, character flaws, or poor behavior.
What happens is that most will instantly make things personal, with sentences usually beginning with “You” or “You never listen” or “This is typical of you” or “You’re always busy.”
Withdrawing When Needed
She’s wanting to engage in a discussion with her spouse on what happened the previous day, this while getting frustrated by his unresponsiveness, which leads to further angst.
The longer that she talks, the more that his body language displays his annoyance. He remains silent, and his apparent withdrawal forces her to try that much harder.
Her voice rises, she demands he responds. The harder that she tries, the more he appears to withdraw. Finally, he gets up and says, “I’m tired of all this, I’m going out.”
Some refer to this as the “nagging wife” syndrome. The reasons for these patterns are complicated and varied, and usually has roots in the desperate need for engagement and intimacy.
This becomes a revolving carousel which needs to be stopped, and a compromise reached that’s the best for both worlds, while working on developing better ways of communicating and reacting.
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
It’s known that the simple act of just asking and then answering without demanding or telling, increases the sense of closeness when it comes to dating couples.
What’s also known is that sharing and storytelling are important, when it comes to better courtship and commitment.
But what invariably happens over time, is that couples will stop sharing their stories or the other just stops listening.
It can happen because of repetition, different schedules, digital distractions etc. What familiarity does is it breeds contempt, as both partners run out of things to talk about.
“You already told me that.” What those blunt responses does is effectively marginalizes the speaker, but isn’t a guarantee to shut them down.
Learning To Forgive
Forgiveness needs to be distinguished from excusing or accepting, or condoning that an offense has been committed. Forgiveness is also considered more of a process rather than being a single act.
Despite all of the illustrated platitudes regarding forgiveness which flashes across our Facebook newsfeeds, it’s a bit more complicated than that.
True forgiveness isn’t an act of a single partner, but both needs to renew their commitment to each other, this for the relationship to move forward towards calmer waters.
Just simply deciding something on your own, or to just forgive and forget, usually won’t be enough, as there needs to be a mutual agreement.