You may not even know it, but you have a controlling behaviour which is most likely unintentional, and you have no idea how annoying it is. You have a need to always be right, be in control at all times, which makes your spouse, friends and family, shudder in your presence.
The majority of control freaks don’t even realize they are one, to the disappointment of those close to them. Most also won’t dare tell them of this disturbing mental behaviour.
You genuinely think you’re helping others with your tiresome behaviour, dishing out sharp criticism, thinking it’s constructive and will help them.
Control freaks will suddenly attempt to take over tasks themselves, because they think no one else other than them can do it properly, isolating themselves while working to exhaustion.
They don’t view their controlling behaviour as a flaw, while they’re continuously raising the stress and anxiety levels of everyone around them, including themselves.
A Control Freak… Who Me?
Being a control freak can be considered a personality disorder since there’s a myriad of irrational thoughts and behaviour, which are thrown around in each and every situation of their life.
They succumb to mild panic attacks which are activated under different situations such as:
• If I don’t get this project completed, I’ll lose the client or I’ll get fired
• If I don’t cook the perfect nutritious meal every night, my kids will get fat
• I’m an awful parent because I’m 12 minutes late picking up Johnny from soccer practice
Although all of these thoughts and actions are accurate, the ultimate reaction and outcome most likely aren’t.
Rather than attempting to get these irrational thinking patterns right, or thinking more realistically, what you do instead is attempt to control the situation, which usually results in trying to control others.
Signs You May Be A Control Freak
What needs to be discovered are the traits and behaviour patterns which are commonly displayed by a control freak. Listed are some signs which allows you to self diagnose, and hopefully correct yourself.
Micro Management
If you’re somewhat in a position of authority, such as a parent or a manager, you constantly micromanage others so they’ll fit into your expectations which may often be unrealistic. You believe in perfection and think everyone else should as well.
The Judgment Of Others
You instantly judge others and their behaviour and will tell them if their right or wrong. You display passive aggressive tenancies towards them, such as withholding attention or information until they behave up to your expectations. Being silent is also used as a manipulative form of control.
Try To Change Others
You think if someone changes one or two traits about themselves, then they would be happier. You genuinely think you’re helping, doing them a favour, by they changing a certain behaviour which bothers you, and you point it out to them, usually more than once.
Dish Out Constructive Criticism
When you offer constructive criticism, you think you’re helping that person to improve themselves, but it’s more often a veiled attempt to somehow advance your own purpose or agenda, such as making yourself look or feel better.
You Change Yourself
You slightly alter or adapt your personality so someone will see things your way, which may be manipulative and to your advantage. Instead of being yourself, you’ll attempt to influence others by somehow altering their impression of you.
Fear Mongering
You constantly present the worst case scenario, as a method of somehow influencing someone away from how they would normally behave towards themselves or others. You may also have a difficult time with ambiguity, and are not always comfortable when you don’t know something.
Interrupting Then Correcting
You have a habit of constantly interrupting others, intervening, or finishing off their questions or thoughts on their behalf. You actually think you’re helping them, by you attempting to dismiss or explain their behaviour for them. You’ll answer questions which weren’t even directed to you.
Changing Your Behaviour
You believe you’re doing the right thing, when you attempt to change someone’s behaviour which you may find undesirable.
Then you think that person will be much happier and much more fulfilled. What you’re actually doing instead is allowing someone else to dictate how you feel.
What you need to realize is you’re only responsible for yourself, as the need to control others is a sign of low self-esteem.
The road to developing better relationships always begins with your own behaviour, rather than constantly attempting to control others.
Steps To Begin Building A Better You
• Show your vulnerability to others on certain occasions
• Embrace any confrontations head on, as at times that’s all you can do
• Be as realistic as you can about your expectations of others, as everyone has their own faults
• Don’t compromise your own self-respect by altering your personality or core beliefs
• Stop being passive-aggressive and be as direct as you can
• Take responsibility just for your own actions and happiness
• Know the majority of life is still “unknown” and accept it
To Be Mindful Of Yourself
You need to decide you’ll focus on yourself to try improve your own faults, rather than constantly attempting to fix or control others. You’ll then be better off this way.
This will then develop healthier relationships with others at work and at home, as well as everyone else who you come in contact with.
You will then begin to draw them towards you, become more likeable, and be able to influence them better. It’s a matter of becoming more mindful.