Why Saying Your Too Busy Can End A Perfectly Good Relationship

saying you're too busyWhat everyone needs at all times is a good friend. Someone to hangout with, unconditionally, no questions asked. That they’re there when you need them, and anything you say or do is usually not judged. What friends will do is reach out and extend their support.

But what we usually do is subversively taint these friendships. What often happens is we ignore these companions who reach out, looking for a connection. This could be a phone call or an email that you ignore, inadvertently pushing them away when you don’t mean to.

You turn them away because you’re too busy, that you’re too occupied by doing something else, that another situation is more important than hanging out with them. This is something that you need to eliminate from your social vocabulary.

The Busy As A Bee Syndrome
“I’d love to go for coffee, but I’m really busy.” It’s good to be busy, as everyone has plenty of obligations in their daily lives.

But what you’re telling these friends is that you have more important things to do than spend time with them, so you push them away inadvertently, this usually without explanation.

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m just too swamped today,” isn’t the rejection that anyone wants to hear. So it’s just better to find a different way of expressing that you really have more important things to do.

We’re All Perpetually Busy
What having things to do in this day and age, is saying that you’re leading an active life. Being busy indicates that you have pressing things to do. What it implies is that there’s people or projects that rely on you.

Saying you’re busy is a blanket statement however, at times a convenient word which can be applied to almost any situation to avoid something.

You could be retired and be busy, you’re looking for a new job but you’re too busy, you could be vacationing and be busy. It becomes a convenient filler word.

It also becomes a misunderstood word when it comes to relationships, this since it doesn’t help others understand the how’s and what’s of why you’re so busy. What it does is distracts mutual understanding.

“Busy” Results In Negative Interpretation
When you say you’re too busy, and don’t explain why, what it leads to are vague interpretations. Most will accept you being busy a few times, but eventually your friends will view it as a sinister plot, that you’re trying to avoid them.

What saying busy does is it allows them to fill in the blanks on what your intentions are, and they’ll often do so by reacting negatively, that you’re trying to blow them off, without even giving them an explanation.

Sorry But Not Right Now
When you’re “busy,” what that simply means is you have immediate pressing matters at hand, which are often justifiable. You need to pick up the kids from school, you need to finish that work project. There are plenty of legitimate reasons.

But what being busy also does is knocks your friends request to meet, down a peg on your priority list, that they need to wait, as that’s what your denial translates as.

When it comes to friendships, saying “not right now,” can do is sever it because you’re rejecting them. Saying you’re too busy is that equivalent, as what it does is projects that they’re not as important.

The single word “busy” creates a separation, that the friendship isn’t that important right now, this especially if you don’t bother explaining why you’re busy, by just saying that something came up. So for the sake of the relationship, it helps to be more specific.

Just Offer An Explanation
What’s appreciated is a quick simple explanation this to avoid being so vague. What’s needed is a simplified summary on why you’re busy.


What being specific does is it takes more time and effort, or it might be too personal, or something you have no time for because you’re so swamped. To extend just a few moments however, can make all the difference.

Say that a friend invites you to a birthday party. You respond by saying, “I would love to go but I’m really busy!” or preferably, “I would love to but Johnny has a soccer game that I promised to attend, so save a piece of cake for me.”

It’s subtle but know the difference, as it takes just moments to explain the reason why, giving context while communicating that you’re invested in the friendship. The first response is just too aloof.

Setting A Time Frame
If you’re busy because of time restraints at work or at home, it can be as easy as making your friends aware of how long that this “busy” period will last.

For instance, if your project needs to be completed by the end of the week, and you’ll have more time soon thereafter, then communicate to them you could reconnect with them then.

Even if the project flows over into the following week, your friend then should understand, this because you’ve expressed that you want to get together as soon as you’re able.

Know What The Real Reason Is
The dark intentional side of being busy, we know can be a way to disengage, avoid, or to end a relationship that we no longer want. Some refer to it as ghosting, which is cutting off all ties from a relationship without explaining why.

So if you’re “busy” this way, then you need to decide if you want to have a conversation with the person you’re ghosting. While it’s difficult to breakup with anyone, at times it becomes necessary. What many claim is that busy is insensitive, so make sure you explain.

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