Ask anyone who’s single and they’ll tell you there’s nothing wrong with it. There are some who actually envy it, this especially if they’re landlocked into a failing relationship that they can’t or refuse to leave. Being single offers independence and empowerment.
Those who are afraid of the freedom of being single, will drive themselves to fall in and out of relationships which isn’t right for them, while feeling absolutely miserable. This occurs since they need relationships because they don’t want to be left alone by themselves.
They need someone on their arm to satisfy their low self-esteem, they being petrified of being alone on Friday night, so they surrender to “settle” down in their love life. What needs to be considered are their core motivations.
Those not single and miserable are usually more open to this inquiry. If you’re not in a relationship based on your own choice, you then may feel a lot more certain about your circumstances.
To Relate Or Not
If you find yourself attracted to the idea of having a relationship in general, then your attitude regarding so are worthy of exploration. Most often, something else is going on, something that’s deeper and less conscious.
The reasons might outweigh why you’re not currently in a relationship, while there are also the not so great reasons why some will steer away and avoid love and intimacy, this at times to the detriment of their own happiness.
Love Strikes And Hurts
There’s growing cynical attitudes towards love which now pervades our culture. There are points when it comes to the low success rates of relationships overall. There are plenty of statistics which tells us that there’s more relationships which fail than stay together.
For those who’s had bad experiences, one after another, their critical and cynical attitudes make it difficult to meet, and then get to know someone new, much less fall in love again.
They’ll write off potential partners in a long list of excuses and reasons. “She’s too uptight,” “He’s too desperate,” to generalizing, “Dating is awkward,” “Relationships steals your freedom,” to sexual stereotypes, “Men just want one thing,” “Women are too controlling.”
They’ll attack the concept of love and relationships in general. Although these negative perceptions can usually be justified by using statistics, or our own painful personal experiences, these cynical feelings of poor attitudes often originate from childhood.
Where Love Is Born
When young, we’re influenced by how our parents or guardians acted or related to us. We quickly form preconceptions regarding relationships, this based on the dynamics that we’ve experienced or observed.
If we’ve had absentee parents, then we’ll most likely grow up feeling unlovable and distrusting. We may think that all women are cold, and all men cheat or are abusive.
If a parent was too overbearing and intrusive, then we’ll have thoughts such as, “They want too much, they’re too dependent, they’re too controlling.”
If the parents had a difficult divorce and never ended up dating or marrying again, we’ll think that relationships are too difficult and risky.
The Attitudes Remain
Stereotypical as they may be, they’re usually reinforced by disappointing, failing, or painful experiences as adults, as we attract what we think, although these attitudes are often misguided.
What we do is paint a caricature of those we encounter, instantly creating a barrier and excuses between us, them, and the world. Once we grow cynical towards people, relationships, and love itself, we then limit our opportunities to meet, know, and then connect.
If Love Happens
Some will manage to get past these uncertainties, give someone a chance, and may suddenly find themselves falling in love. During this time, these hypercritical attitudes quiet down a bit.
Those thoughts however, will eventually begin to creep back in, this once things get too serious. The reason being that our fears and defense system contradicts our feelings.
Reminding us why we’re opposed to love, which then leads us against our will to find ways to push this love away. Picking apart every little detail why we don’t like this person, which then creates distance and an excuse.
The reality being that everyone is flawed somehow, we realize that, but yet we choose to focus on their shortcomings anyways.
But what we can choose is to be more open minded instead, become compassionate and loving in our approach to others, this particularly towards those who means something.
Deciding To Relationship
Once you decide that you want a lasting loving long-term relationship, it’s not the external forces that you’ll be up against. What you’ll be faced with are a series of personal fears of intimacy which resides, and are erupting within you.
What most will do is protect themselves in the efforts of not getting hurt, this by pulling themselves back once things become too close. Most who has a history of strained failed relationships, are afraid of becoming vulnerable.
These individuals will think themselves into the idea that getting into a relationship, feels much like it would threaten their identity, that they’ll lose a sense of who they are.
They think that entering into a relationship becomes a sacrifice, stealing their freedom. They believe that they’ll lose their independence, while missing out on any potential future possibilities.
Something Good Instead Happens
What’s realized instead, especially if the relationship has any promise of survival, the opposite will often happen. Once two people meet, their colliding worlds usually grows in parallel, and not shrink or suffocate.
They’ll meet new people who becomes mutual friends, discover new adventures and more importantly, will discover new avenues of themselves they didn’t know existed.
It’s entirely possible to find someone who matches our own existence, will support our personal interests, while they introduce us to theirs.