After all, that’s what we’re conditioned to do as humans, to become functional adults, is to find a mate and then start a relationship that works. That’s the duty of two people in this world. To combine forces, to unite as one, to procreate.
This they say is one of the greatest joys of life, and considered a feat to behold, an accomplishment.
To have a loving relationship of solidarity, which constructs the foundation of a meaningful life.
A love that becomes an anchor, amid all of the difficulties and uncertainties of the world we live in.
But then you hear a thud, something’s amiss, this holy matrimony goes off the rails.
46% percent of marriages now end in separation then divorce, and the breakups are more frequent among those who are unmarried and living commonly.
So why such a fracture. The reason being relationships aren’t a given, an automatic guarantee based on liking someone lots.
Why Relationships Fail
Relationships don’t go on autopilot with a warranty. What’s required is sacrificial commitment, self-awareness, the willingness to adapt, change, and grow.
The most difficult bridge to cross, is learning to adapt from “me” to “us,” and becoming a central united force.
The most committed of relationships can survive the ups and downs, while certain behaviours and bad attitude can create permanent damage.
Relationships fall apart once you focus on your own needs first, when making important decisions or even the day-to-day interactions.
If you don’t communicate, your partner will feel resentment and uncared for.
When Things Unravel
Narcissism, which is a self centred personality disorder, encompasses a variety of features which rips apart relationships.
These include superficial charm, manipulation, a lack of empathy, all for ones own advantage.
Once relationships begin to tilt, the biggest issues are money being spent but not told, and extramarital affairs.
A partners needs or opinions aren’t taken into consideration, all which damages the bond.
Signs Of Fracture
Demands are made without regards to how they feel, they’re berated for not meeting certain expectations. Their situation, opinion or perspective isn’t asked or considered first.
Their needs for intimacy are ignored, all which creates deep wounds which can become difficult to repair.
If this sounds familiar, then reverse the roles and think how you would feel, if they acted the same way towards you.
Instead, learn to become grateful by expressing it in words and action, as often as possible.
Bursts Of Outrage
Minor arguments and disagreements are expected in any relationship, while constant enraged screaming at one another can burn it.
Unhappy couples get into negative cycles, where any slight will create a fight. This can escalate into accusations on the others intent or character.
It’s the easiest to hurt the ones you love the most, because you know exactly where they hurt the most, where they’re the most vulnerable.
The conflicts makes it easier for you to lose emotional control.
To Attack The Vulnerabilities
Everyone has a variety of issues to juggle, everything from kids, work, finances, all which can trigger stress at any time.
Then your brain goes into the “fight or flight” mode, as you begin to perceive your partner as being a threat, forcing you to become defensive.
To avoid further damage, it’s best to confront each other on the various emotional vices. To ground yourselves to the issues at hand, without throwing daggers.
What you need is to communicate, while understanding certain behaviours are out of bounds.
Can’t Trust You Anymore
The sacred commitment, “For better or for worse” needs to remain true for a strong foundation of growth.
Breaking ones trust, destroys this condition. The relationship might survive, but it will forever be tainted.
Around 30% percent of all men and women, now openly admit they’ve had an affair outside of their marriage. The key word being “admit.”
This percentage escalates for those living commonly. Once exposed, these relationships usually ends because of the loss of trust.
Infidelity A Deal Breaker
Infidelity can cast a wide net, as having an affair with someone can be the final nail in the coffin.
It can also be having “emotional affairs” such as openly flirting, or online dalliances on Facebook, can all crack a relationship.
It’s found women especially become distraught, once they find their partner is having an ongoing close emotional connection with another person.
Infidelity acts as emotional trauma, to the partner that’s betrayed.
Then they feel anger and insecurity, becoming obsessed with what their partner is doing when they’re not there.
The Dishonesty Barges In
Usually, outright lying, becoming deceitful or defensive to cover up the infidelity often results in furthering the gap.
Once either partner crosses the line of infidelity to any degree, it becomes important to discuss it immediately or even seek out counselling.
The guilty partner needs to take full responsibility for their actions, by somehow making amends, by being completely transparent regarding their actions.
The Relationship Always Comes First
The relationship should be the first priority. What education, or what all the sappy romantic Hallmark movies won’t tell you, is that relationships are hard work and a daily commitment.
This moral agreement however, takes a backseat or goes into remission once life interferes.
Once you stop talking to each about your hopes and dreams, you become distant, the relationship becomes stale.
The spark, the fun is gone, and then you begin living separate lives in the same home.
You both spend the entire day at work, or one deals with all the domestic duties, then what’s lost is common ground.
So it becomes important to touch base throughout the day, to listen to your partners concerns, their angst, their events.
Start doing all of the fun activities which you once enjoyed doing together, recapturing the past. Go see a movie, bike riding, hit the dance floor.