Why Does Being Single Or Divorced Paint Me In This Box

single with no childrenSo it’s pretty obvious what you’re thinking, I’ve seen that same look hundreds of times before. It’s written all over your face, that glazed over distracted smile, that slight yet uncomfortable nod. You’re attempting to decide what can possibly be wrong with me, what bad detour of life did fate pass me.

At the very least, you wonder what I did that was so misleading. These are the questions which you ask yourself the very instance you discover that I’m single, or divorced, without children.

But I haven’t even met or even know you, you say. Well, it goes exactly like this on what will happen. You notice that I’m fairly attractive, not cover model pretty, but attractive enough.

You also notice that I’m petite and slender, most likely workout to keep up my good health. I’m wearing something which completely flatters me. I’m articulate, funny, bright, with a good career.

I’m certainly someone that the opposite sex would find intriguing and attractive enough to want to spend time with. This perfect storm of circumstance makes me that much more curious and puzzling to you.

While you ponder this, I smile back at you, look straight into your eyes, or firmly shake your hand. A conversation then erupts about a subject completely different from what you’re thinking.

A Puzzle Yet To Be Solved
Naturally, you become distracted while searching for clues and a reason in what I didn’t say, or what I speak, or gesture. You trace my exact mannerism. You wonder how this could ever happen to me…


How did I ever end up single since I most likely always dreamed, when younger, to have more of a complete life. If you do happen to be younger than me, then you confirm to yourself that you’ll never end up like me, you don’t want to be me. But you also think that it could possibly happen.

If you happen to be married and are a parent, then you pat yourself on the back for accomplishing God’s natural plan of procreation, that you did it. You let out a quick sigh of relief.

This despite the hidden challenges which you face because of the skeletons in the closets, and the tears behind the closed doors. But you knew better than me, and at this moment, that’s enough.

Dating Someone Single When Your Older
So you decide to go on a first date. You find a way to convince yourself that you’re OK with my age and status, notwithstanding your own.

You give yourself credit for dating someone who may not be interested in having biological children, and may even be actually relieved because of it. Either way, you let me know.

You tell me that you usually date someone younger, but find “my age” more mature, seasoned, and refreshing. You tell me that your friends also warned you about my age, but that didn’t matter either. “Well, you look a lot younger for your age,” is your consolation.

So What’s Wrong With Me
So there I sit, gingerly nibbling at my appetizer and slowly sipping my wine while laughing at your attempts of humor.

But I know exactly what you’re thinking. What’s wrong with this person, and before I can answer you, you come up with your own series of conclusions:

• This is someone who’s so involved in their career that there’s no interest in love, or are completely turned off and too cold to know or even consider love
• Someone who can’t or won’t make another person a priority in their life and never wanted a family in the first place
• Someone who is extremely picky or made some bad choices in their life early on
• There must be something, underneath, some deep dark secret that’s unlovable about this person, otherwise, I’d be loved by someone by now

But I’m Still Standing
But then you notice something, I’m still smiling. You’re thinking that I’m a lot more confident than what an unmarried person should be, and at my age.


You wonder why I’m happier than what you expected, I’m practically glowing. So you wonder whats up with that. The truth being, you have absolutely no idea what I’m possibly thinking.

I think that my life isn’t defined or dictated but anyone else’s thoughts or wishes. These are my own thoughts and I have the power to control my attitude and how I live my life.

This Is The Story Of My Life
I’m not living in the wrong life, living as the wrong spouse in an unhappy marriage with too many children bordering on the wrong track. I have no kids but my life is full. My parents gave me my life, but I don’t think less of myself for not becoming a parent myself.

I am lovable and am loved. I live in this moment without distraction or worry, I’m able to be the very best that I can be. And while it’s not the life that you expect most to carry, it’s the life, knowing myself for all these years, that was ultimately meant to be mine. It was given to me and not chosen.

Yet, I’m continuing to grow, still tweaking and improving on my imperfections. Every day, I take a bite out of my potential and never chew off more that what I can. I have lots of room for love.

There’s a lot of reasons why I’m single, or divorced, or why I haven’t become a parent. The only reason that really matters is that it wasn’t meant to be, so why do you have a problem with that.

See, I know exactly what you’re thinking. Life to me is and has been good. Tomorrow can be even better. And about tomorrow, if we happen to meet once again, maybe you’ll think differently of me.

This written and dedicated to you know who, your voice…


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