It’s found one of the core characteristics when it comes to bullying, is it’s those who constantly attempts to please others to a fault, are usually the victims. Although it’s a honourable trait to be nice, they’re unfortunately the primary targets.
The majority of us however, habitually enjoys pleasing the needs of others like a habit.
We also realize it can make us a bit vulnerable to those who are a overly controlling and demanding, and wanting to take advantage of us.
It’s generally thought those who attempts to constantly please others, placing their own needs on the back burner, may be preventing themselves from getting their own true needs met.
What they’re doing is erecting a sign over their head saying, “use and abuse me.”
Protect Yourself Better
We at one time or another all have experienced instances where someone can become extremely intimidating.
By instinct, we’ll nervously comply just to keep it peaceful by doing what they’ve asked, wanting to keep them satisfied. But realize doing so is usually just a temporary solution.
They’ll always come back for more and may get more demanding, while also often treating you more abusively as time progresses.
So resist being a doormat and stand up for yourself. If you’re struggling with these issues, there are certain measures you can take to assert yourself better.
The Difference Between Pleasing And Showing Goodwill
It’s not about deciding to stand up for yourself at all times, and not doing anything for anyone ever again.
Know the difference when you’re genuinely wanting to help someone in need, versus you doing something because they want you to.
Or you yourself are wanting to manipulate the situation while also fearing the consequences, if you don’t bother doing so.
Knowing this difference will help you in making better life choices for yourself.
Paying Closer Attention To Bad Feelings
Once you notice yourself starting to feel resentful, angry, sad or frustrated directly after an interaction with someone, then ask yourself if you pleasing that person contributed to it.
Did you once again just agree to do something for someone you didn’t want to do. Did you just go ahead and tell someone a lie just to make them feel better.
Often, for those who constantly please people, these habits are so ingrained they don’t even notice it any longer, along with the negative feelings they feel afterwards.
Cultivating The Awareness
If you’re like most, pleasing others first has been something you’ve done your entire life.
It’s becomes a habit on the way you conduct yourself, and where you think you fit into the world.
You most likely won’t be able to stop this anytime soon, and shouldn’t be expected to. Begin by taking note once you do, and what the circumstances are.
Who are the people that triggers this behaviour and the reasons why. Then decide how you might handle it differently the next time.
Know When It Began
Take a look back at your life and try to identify when you began to comply too much to others.
Where you got the idea you had to please the needs of everyone first, more than you please yourself.
It usually begins in early childhood, by getting approval from parents for being really helpful to them and others.
As a result, this becomes a ritual to seek out this approval and attention, and pleasing people is the most easiest way of doing so.
We’re also told what to do, and to learn to get along with others and what they want, otherwise they’ll either reject you or won’t like you.
Just Be Selfish At Times
Most people think they’ll be branded as selfish, if they start just honouring their own needs, and begin ignoring or saying “no” to others.
In the majority of these cases, these types of individuals to a fault are at the extreme end of the scale.
Even if they do change their behaviour, they’d still remain more kind and generous than most.
Know the truly selfish people of the world, won’t even bother to worry they’re coming across as selfish, they just don’t care.
Paying More Attention To Your Stance
Most who have this tendency of pleasing others too often, will usually expose themselves to what’s known as the “victims posture.”
This refers to someone hunching over slightly and appearing submissive.
So it’s recommended you monitor your body posture at all times, by taking deep breaths and holding your head and shoulders up high and proud.
Whenever you’re tempted or feel you’re about to give in to the needs of others, both literally and figuratively, stand or sit up tall and breath deeply.
Doing so will help you keep the promise you made to yourself, when in the face of pressure from others you won’t give in to their needs.
What happens once you do cower, is your wincing will give them the signal to become more dominant over you.
Always Remind Yourself On A Daily Basis
If you’re constantly surrounded by those who just don’t respect you, and they’re wanting to bend and alter you at their will. It can help you enormously once you stand up to them.
Doing so will get them to appreciate your true worth, which also encourages you to stand up for yourself more often.
It’s found seeking out experts in this area one on one, can at times help these relationship dynamics.
Doing so will reinforce your own beliefs, along with certain thought processes which you wouldn’t see on your own.
This type of assistance can at times help you, when wanting to stand up for yourself and become more assertive in life.