We’re all conditioned to be as nice a person as possible, to be pleasant, to make it a highlight feature of our personality. There are even health benefits to being a nice warm inviting person, rather than being mean spirited. What being likeable can do, is increase your profile when in social settings.
What’s known is leaders in the workplace who projects themselves to be warm and sincere, will earn more accolades and trust, than working with a prickly demanding slave driver.
But the debate lies on where to draw the line, where you can be too nice and be taken advantage of.
The default switch in the brain is always to be nice, to have a pleasant disposition as possible.
We’re conditioned to give, to the point where some will constantly place the needs of others before their own.
Virtues Of Being Nice
There’s obviously nothing wrong with being nice. It’s one of the greatest compliments of a person. Someone who constantly treats others with mindful respect, kindness, while diligently caring.
While being considerate and thoughtful is admirable, but going out of ones way to contort, to behave on how others wants them to act, comes across as a being phony and a sell out.
This is the behaviour which generally leads to someone being taken advantage of.
Being Too Nice Keeps You Isolated
Once you’re too nice a person, always agreeing and never showing the dark side of your personality, as your facade is bland, what you’re doing is disconnecting yourself, keeping yourself isolated.
You’re not allowing anyone to connect with you, as you’re not displaying your entire identity, but just what you want them to see.
No one could then have a deep honest meaningful conversation with you, because you’re not being your true self.
If all you’re showing is your soft fluffy side, always being happy and cooperative, most won’t stick around for long. They’ll find you boring and disingenuous.
Just Get Real
What everybody wants is someone to be real, genuine, as most can sense a nervous fake from across the room.
Although being honest at times can become messy, or needs negotiating to work things out, what’s resolved is a core foundation for the relationship to work.
What we always need to display at all times is being a complete person. This includes showing our imperfections, since we’re all complex faulty individuals.
So choose to be yourself, and be prepared to make adjustments, constantly giving and taking, show your cranky side on occasion.
Being Taken Advantage Of
What some will do is unconditionally give and give, without ever asking for anything in return. This to make everyone like them, which leaves a void in their life.
Then they wonder, why doesn’t anyone ever do anything for me.
They fall into a victims mentality, thinking, “I rarely ask for anything from anyone, yet I never get anything in return. I guess no one likes me.”
The Victim Mentality
This might sound familiar for some, but are sentiments which shouldn’t be experienced by a mature well adjusted responsible healthy person.
It shouldn’t be about being so “nice,” you constantly continue to give at all times, to the point you begin to feel cheated, exhausted, and mistreated.
When others don’t return the favours or give back, what you feel is you didn’t do enough for them.
Have The Courage
What it takes is courage to stand up for yourself and say. “This is me, this is what I want, and this is what I want you to give back to me in return.”
This is a far healthier approach than keeping tabs on how many times you’ve been nice to someone, and then felt disappointed, felt like a victim, when they didn’t treat you the same way.
“I’m responsible for my life, and you’re responsible for yours. If I want or prefer something, then it’s up to me to voice and claim it.”
“It’s not your job to drag it out of me, expecting you to read my mind. You don’t owe me anything just because I’m nice to you.”
When Being Too Nice Becomes Uncomfortable
Most are raised to be as nice as possible to everyone, at times going as far as being pushed around.
They become a meek despicable sponge who’s constantly being bullied once someone wants something. What they do is oblige, regardless if it’s right or wrong.
When you live your life this way, by wanting to constantly please others, what you’re doing is making everyone but yourself happy.
What you never do is consider your own needs, wants, or desires. What you’re doing is rejecting yourself, which only plummets your self-esteem and true identity further.
Some of us have been conditioned to think “it’s not about me,” that we should leave our big ego at home, as it’s never about what you want. There are however a time and place for both.
Getting What You Deserve
What we rarely allow ourselves is to play an active role in our lives and our own relationships.
That we’ll never give ourselves the opportunity to see or recognize value, let alone appreciate who we are.
So once you look in the mirror, you’re not sure or like what or who you see. If you feel this way, try not to be such a nice a person.
Practice to be more assertive, realistic and genuine towards others. Stand up and be true to yourself.
Begin by sharing your authentic thoughts, opinions, and ideas, even if others won’t agree or like you, all while continuing to be respectful and as considerate as possible.
You owe it to yourself by not continuing to be a human sponge, constantly being too nice to everyone.