We’re all conditioned to be as nice a person as possible. To be pleasant, to make it a highlight feature of our personality. There are even health benefits when being a nice inviting warm person, this rather than being mean spirited. What being likable can do is increase your profile when in social settings.
What’s known is that leaders in the workplace who projects themselves to be warm and sincere, will earn more employee accolades and trust, than working for a prickly demanding slave driver. But the debate lies on where to draw the line, where one can be too nice and be take advantage of.
The default switch in the brain is to be nice. To have a pleasant disposition as possible. We’re conditioned to give, this to the point where some will place the need of others before their own.
Virtues Of Being Nice
There’s obviously nothing wrong with being nice. It’s one of the greatest compliments of a person. Someone who constantly treats others with mindful respect, kindness, while diligently caring.
While being considerate and thoughtful is admirable, but going out of one’s way to contort, to behave on how others wants them to act, comes across as a being phony and a sell out. This is the behavior which generally leads to one being taken advantage of.
Being Too Nice Keeps You Isolated
Once you’re too nice towards everyone, never offering up your opinion or showing the dark side of your personality, that your preferred fashion is bland, what you’re doing is disconnecting yourself, keeping yourself isolated.
You’re not allowing anyone to connect with you, as you’re not displaying your entire personality, but just what you want them to see. No one could then have a honest deep meaningful conversation with you, this because you’re not being your true self.
If all you’re showing is your soft fluffy side, always being happy and cooperative, others won’t stick around for long. They’ll find you boring and disingenuous.
Just Get Real
What everybody wants is someone to be real, genuine, as most can sense a fake from across the room. Although being honest at times can become messy, or needs negotiating to work things out, what’s resolved however is a core foundation for the relationship to work.
What we always need to display at all times is being a complete person. This includes showing all of our imperfections, this since we’re all complex faulty individuals. So choose to be yourself, and be prepared to make adjustments, constantly giving and taking.
Being Taken Advantage Of
What some will do is unconditionally give and give, this without ever asking for anything in return. This to make everyone like them, which leaves a void in their life.
Then they wonder, why doesn’t anyone ever do anything for me. They fall into a victims mentality, thinking, “I rarely ask for anything from anyone, so how could they say no. I guess no one likes me.”
The Victim Mentality
This might sound familiar for some, but are sentiments which shouldn’t be experienced by a mature well adjusted responsible healthy person.
It shouldn’t be about being so “nice,” that you constantly continue to give at all times, this to the point that you begin to feel cheated, exhausted, and mistreated. When others don’t return the favor or give back, you feel that you didn’t do enough.
Have The Courage
What it takes is courage to stand up for yourself and say. “This is me, this is what I want, and this is what I can give back in return.”
This is a far healthier approach than keeping tabs on how many times you’ve been nice to someone, and then felt disappointed, felt like a victim, this when they didn’t treat you the same way.
I’m responsible for my life, and you’re responsible for yours. If I want or prefer something, then it’s up to me to voice and claim it. It’s not your job to drag it out of me, expecting you to read my mind. You don’t owe me anything just because I’m nice to you.
When Being Too Nice Becomes Uncomfortable
Most are raised to be as nice as possible to everyone, at times going as far as being pushed around. A meek despicable sponge who’s constantly being taken advantage of whenever someone wants something. What they do is oblige, regardless if it’s right or wrong.
When you live your life this way, by wanting to constantly please others, what you’re doing is making everyone but yourself happy.
What you never do is consider your own needs, wants, or desires. What you’re doing is rejecting yourself, which only plummets your self-esteem and true identity further.
Most of us have been conditioned to think that “it’s not about me,” that we should leave our big ego at home, as it’s never about what you want. There are however a time and place for both.
Getting What You Deserve
What we rarely allow ourselves is to play an active role in our lives and our own relationships, that we’ll never give ourselves the opportunity to see or recognize value, let alone appreciate who we are. So once you look in the mirror, you’re not sure or like what or who you see.
So if you feel this way, try to be less nice. Practice being more realistic and genuine with others. Stand up and be true to yourself. Begin by sharing your authentic thoughts, opinions, and ideas, even if others won’t agree or like you.
All while continuing to be respectful and as considerate as possible. You owe it to yourself by not continuing being a people pleaser, constantly being too nice to everyone.