What most singles convince themselves is that they’re single because they choose to be, whether they believe it or not. Some think that they’re ready, but are in no condition of being in a relationship at their current state.
They just can’t face the pain of discovery, rejection, neglect. What they prefer is not going through that again. The circumstances in their lives just don’t warrant it. They’ve just escaped what they thought was a meaningful lifelong relationship, which failed, and they don’t care to revisit that again.
This isn’t to stereotype those who are single or choose to be, and then crowd them into the same box. But for those who are in their 30’s and then suddenly find themselves slipping into their 50’s, what they begin to search for are answers, the perplexing question, this particularly for women, “Why am I single?”
The most difficult emotion to overcome once someone later in life begins to date, thinking that they want a new relationship, is not to feel like a victim. There are some who can become cruel, you get hurt, but it’s usually not your fault.
Know that you hold absolute power over your destiny. That it’s up to you to create the life that you want to live, although you may not be conscious of this.
It’s completely up to you to conduct your fate beyond the vision of being victimized, or being directed by others, and take control of your life. Focus on the influence of power that you hold, even if there are negative reactions.
The Detriment Of The Aging: Routine And Isolation
Once we begin to age, what most tend to do is retreat into our own comfort zones. This to be safe. As men and women grow older, they get more comfortable in their ways, begin to set a routine in their lives. What they form is a safety net around them, one that others can’t penetrate.
It becomes more difficult to take the same risks that they took when they were younger, it hurts to put themselves out there for the picking. After a long day of work, what most want to do is just snuggle in their bed and then pretend how perfect they are on Facebook.
The Safety Of Comfort
This encouragement that we hear to retreat to the safety of our home comes from our critical, yet aging inner voice. What this inner coach offers are soothing passages such as, “Stay home tonight and just relax. You’re okay on your own, have another glass of wine.”
The problem with this inner voice is that it also has a dark side. It will then begin to tell you how much of a loser you are, that you’re home alone again. You’re not getting any younger, and there will be no one to look after you once you get old and decrepit.
For all of the reasons why we tell ourselves that we’re worthy, this to comfort ourselves, doing so usually makes us feel worse at the end, which as a result, we begin avoiding what gives us this comfort in our lives.
Stepping Out Of The Box
So as a result, we choose to escape our comfort zones, to begin taking more risks, this to feed the repeatedly challenging influences of our critical nagging inner voice. We decide to take action, make an effort to get out more, to smile, force ourselves to look happy.
We do so while building a false persona, a fake profile of who we are, this to protect ourselves from getting hurt. We build an empty house of cards where others can perceive how full our lives are. Then we feel more sad, empty, and desperate inside. We wonder who we’re trying to fool.
The Rules That We Construct
As the years begin to pass, what we develop is a playbook, a set of rules for ourselves which gets more complex as we age. This includes the relationships that we carry. We write down what we’ve learned on paper, but what’s on paper hardly works in real life circumstances.
Once we act on these rules which are based on our past, what we do is create a perpetual cycle of failing relationships. It’s found much better to just discard these fixed rules altogether, or to obey other people’s rules, this when it comes to reasons why we’re still single.
Always Remain Open
So staying honest and open at all times is more important than putting up a false wall, a facade to hide behind. One that everyone can calculate and see through, that you’re putting up a front. You just come across as desperate. So if that means being single for a while longer, then be it.
It might hurt, but the chances of meeting someone and having a real future will improve. Attempting to trap love the way that you are hardly works, love needs to arrive at your doorstep, it’s a journey that you need to take.
Although it becomes difficult to fight what you’re familiar with, your ground rules, what you’ve always done, but following the same patterns rarely gets you what you ultimately want.
You can’t shield yourself from getting hurt. We all have flaws, vulnerabilities which are exposed once we put ourselves out there. But there’s no point trying to escape, take the easy way out, you just won’t be happy.
What you’ll then face is the same familiar cycle of going through another broken relationship, then you retreat. You pretend just to please others and not yourself. Attempting to achieve your true intimacy is a battle that you need to face, one that’s worth fighting for.