Everybody hurts, whether you’re big or small, rich or beautiful, and we do so in ways that hits the heart and mind hard. We’re constantly snubbed on a daily basis, regardless of who we are, as not everyone’s going to like us. Conversely, we’re also not going to like certain others, and will let them know.
It’s the human condition, it’s the way the social economic universe operates, we choose who we sleep with.
But once it happens to us, get the snub, what we do is take it personally. We feel the sting and the anger. We quietly sulk, and everyone feels the same angst.
On a daily basis, what hits hardest when it comes to emotional reaction, where the biggest mood swings occur, is when we anticipate even the slightest hint of rejection.
There’s an extremely high percentage of negative events, which are associated with the feeling someone doesn’t value you, or your opinion.
There is always someone out there, who doesn’t want to be associated with you for whatever reason. This is rejection at its very core and it sucks.
These sore feelings accompanies thoughts such as, “Why did that person brush me off during our meeting?” or “Why is my husband ignoring me, when I’m talking to him!”
Connect And Not Reject
What we have is a primal desire to bond with others and be liked, which lies deep within our subconscious.
There’s a disappointment we feel, whenever we fail to connect with someone or something we want, and it’s virtually guaranteed everyone feels that way.
That’s why the feeling of rejection, such as a permanent departure of a loved one, happens to be one of the most stressful and painful of all human emotions.
Me And My Self-Esteem
Even the smallest of slights can rile up our feelings, sending our self-esteem and confidence plunging.
In part, what our self-esteem reflects is who we are intrinsically, becoming a barometer on how we stand with others.
It’s been found self-esteem in any social situation rises with any inkling of being accepted, liked, or acknowledged.
“Would you like to join us for drinks after work?” Our confidence can then take a nose dive with any turn down, such as “No, sorry, I can’t make it!”
We have an internal gauge that’s programmed independently, which makes us feel instantly bad about ourselves.
Self-esteem acts much like a meter, which scans the environment for any signs of exclusion or disapproval.
Our Delicate Self-Worth
Even a small blip on the radar can feel like a sudden drop in self esteem, which is unpleasant, motivating us to immediately address the source of the discomfort.
This gauge is extremely sensitive to all signs of rejection, because it prepares us for the potentially bigger ones, which could endanger or harm our safety some how.
As a result, what nature did was programmed us to be vigilant when it comes to potential rejection.
It comes down to the history of who we are, as comfort depends on the immediate groups of people we know and trust. We realize getting shut out can potentially compromise our very survival.
Getting Rejected
What we find is entertainment and satisfaction, in others getting rejected. For instance, the reality shows on TV such as a singing competition, highlights failure.
The cameras beam in on their sweaty nervous faces, knowing they could get the biggest most embarrassing rejection of their life, and we sit there and enjoy it.
The Increasing Hypersensitivity
There’s a number of reasons why the sensitivity to rejection, is growing increasingly pervasive.
There’s incidences of major depression, which is associated with a condition that’s tightly linked to rejection sensitivity. This condition has been on the increase among the general population.
This begins with our parents and the educators, who’ll go overboard to protect and praise us as children.
It usually backfires however, because all they’re doing is breeding preoccupation by the evaluation of others.
We Are Groomed To Fail
If the praise isn’t based on anything that’s specific, what it signals is a sense of insecurity. What it does is makes you wonder if your rejection meter is even working.
If you suspect you’re not getting honest feedback, then you’ll become more sensitive to every potential slight. What you begin to think is, “Does anyone like me?”
Kids who continuously face rejection when young, are usually more aggressive and will get in more trouble with their parents, teachers, than their pampered classmates will.
Young adults especially in their teen years become extremely sensitive to rebuffs, making them unsociable in the early stages of any friendship.
Our Fragile Existence
Saying rejection hurts isn’t speaking metaphorically. What’s found is rejection activates the same area of the brain, which generates reaction to feeling physical pain.
What it causes is a sharp spike of activity directly in the anterior cingulate.
Being dumped by someone, or being told “no” can feel just as threatening as touching a hot stove with your hand.
The Rejection Sensitivity Syndrome
It’s found young adults, have a difficult time transitioning and adjusting to new settings.
A study of first year college freshman, revealed those who were more sensitive to rejection made fewer friends, and didn’t enjoy the concept of college as much.
Those who are prone to rejection also had difficulty making friends, with those who were different from them, such as other ethnic backgrounds.
They had the tendency to be with those who were similar, which impeded they gaining an enriched perspective of life.
Without a doubt, those with a high rejection sensitivity, suffer the most when it comes to the possibility of a romance.
First, they can’t get a date. Then regardless of how committed the partner is, they’ll constantly worry about being dumped. Living with someone who’s sensitive to rejection can be fragile.
Any little slip up could trigger their anger or sulkiness. They seek constant reassurance, even if they are told they’re loved repeatedly.